uncouth behavior part deux

Need I explain?

Salgadian English

Note: This isn't meant to be taken seriously...

The primary circulatory organ of this body system that I breathe life into throbs in anticipation of the shrieking tempo produced by the illustrious Alexander Graham Bell production. Alas! I get to witness the deep, resounding baritone of my much-loved beloved significant other half of my mango-shaped heart. This severely hot yearning I reminisce briskwalking through my blooded veins so pulls me into Nirvana like an petty fragment of the most rubbish-y metal being anchored to the shore by a magnet. It pulls me in and takes me on and fazes my senses to the optimum.

uncouth behavior

This all happened inside a jeepney along Katipunan road.

I was sitting quietly, having taken my space in the jeep, waiting for the queue to fill the seats. Finally, a chinita girl took up the last empty seat in front of me. This completes a typical scene of a cramped up UP-Katipunan jeepney with scarce elbow room. No sooner had the jeepney started moving when this chinita girl opposite me whipped out a sleek compact and (drumroll please) started applying make-up. Yep, you read that right. Started applying make-up. Concealer, to be specific. How in the goddamn world could you possibly muster the audacity to apply concealer inside a cramped up jeepney vrooming along the dusty road in the sweltering heat?!

I was thinking, not only does this girl need to review her etiquette; she also needs a crash course in hygiene!

And oh boy, I'd give her the Jeepney Queen title. The atmosphere inside the jeepney was not only smokebelch-infested, but it reeked of “look-at-that-girl-who-can’t-wait-to-get-inside-a-restroom-in-UP” vibe. I was trying my hardest not to laugh. The handkerchief I held over my nose and mouth served a dual purpose: to avoid inhaling the traffic, and for muffling my snickers.

Now this girl, not content with daubing concealer to hide whatever blemishes she have, whisked out her lipstick. And yes, you guessed right. She applied the thing on her kissers. And, what I witnessed next truly sent me shuddering with embarrassment and wonder. I swear to Almighty God I saw her practicing her smile in front of her mirror! Now how freakin’ weird was that? (Take note: the jeep is loaded.) I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who gave a double glance.

Until Balara, she managed to throw so much attention upon herself by alternatingly brushing her hair and peeping on her magic mirror. Oh, and she also took out a bottle of cologne and started treating herself and the girls beside her to a Victoria's Secret spritzfest.

I thought, this is it. This deserves to be on the “Uncouth Behavior” charts. And so, I whipped out my cellphone and tried to zap one at The Thing. A little blurred, but I hope at least that this gives proof that I’m not making this shit up.

P.S. Don't forget to look at the faces of the girls beside her!

almost nostalgic

This couldn't get any more creative than this...

An old man turned ninety-eight

He won the lottery and died the next day

It's a black fly in your Chardonnay

It's a death row pardon two minutes too late

And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

It's like rain on your wedding day

It's a free ride when you've already paid

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

Who would've thought...it figures

Mr. Play-It-Safe was afraid to fly

He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye

He waited his whole damn life to take that flight

And as the plane crashed down he thought "Well isn't this nice..."

And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

When you think everything's okay and everything's going right

And life has a funny way of helping you out when

You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face

A traffic jam when you're already late

A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife

It's meeting the man of my dreams

And then meeting his beautiful husband

And isn't it ironic...dontcha think

A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think...

Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you

Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out

Helping you out

deception to the core

Why do you have to betray me, my love? Every word of untruth drives a nail through my heart. My soul bleeds because of your sins, my love. I am a victim of your consistent need to lie; caught unknowing and unaware of your cunningness. You’ve already shattered my trust to a million pieces, my love. Your gestures to stain the truth torment me down to my very core. My soul breaks down from your treachery, my love. Your words melt down to a bitter pit of nothingness. You’ve deceived me yet again... my love.

one - line insult

"Your words are like music to a dead man's ears."

headline

Erap flies off to HK for 3rd heart surgery
Too many illnesses; experts propose euthanasia

My Writing Recipe

I need:
A full stomach (relieves distraction)
A tall can of Pringles (something to munch on while contemplating on that next line)
My trusty mechanical pencil (with 2B lead)
Scratch papers (preferably the ones with lines)
A table lamp (because I write at night)

Optional: telephone

Procedures:
1. Lie down on my comfy bed and stare into space.
2. No ideas yet? Continue to daydream. (This really could take a while.)
Note: Do NOT sleep!
3. After a light bulb zaps on in my brain, I pick up that pencil and start writing.
4. If I still have zero ideas, I call boyfriend and start a fight. I believe writing is therapeutical. After exchanging warring words and banging down the phone on the now-bastard, I start drowning my misery in writing. (For sure I’ll find anything to write about now!)

Delay writing when:
1. Boyfriend calls. (To apologize, I hope!)
2. My butt hurts from sitting too long.
3. I ran out of ideas.
4. Wala lang. I just feel like it.

Best prepared by night before submission date. Cramming actually helps. It takes me on a different high. Adrenaline-high, that is! Teehee!