crack me up

Ehem!

By now, you guys might probably be thinking that I have a penchant for photojournalism. Or that I have an eye for the uncouth. Or just maybe that I am an emasculating bitch bent on thrashing the thrash-worthy. Nah-uh! I don't look around for stuffs like this; things like this come to me for no reason at all! *sardonic laughter*

I was sitting at the back of this certain class, quietly minding my own business, when my line of eyesight managed to droop downwards. "(Friend's name)," I whispered, " is it just my imagination, or am I seeing crack?" My friend inhaled a big gulp of air, then exploded laughing. "Dude, kadiri naman yan!" Then after regaining her breath, she said, "Tara, picture-an naten!"

"Kaw na lang dude," I said, "I don't wanna save trash in my phone." And after giving it a double thought, I took out my phone and took a pic. This sounds like naughty blog material, I thought.

FOOLIN'!

Rather, I thought that this would teach mah gurls a lesson 'bout having ta double check their backsides after taking their seats. I mean, I admit that this sticky situation has happened to me too, accidentally, and it could actually be very embarrassing when someone has to tip you off about it. Or especially if you have a line of perverts armed with cameraphones seated behind you. (That didn't happen to me! Or... if it did, I wouldn't have any idea)

Peeps, if you're offended, let me know. I'll delete this entry.

secret serenade

As I listened to the music, I pictured a dainty little butterfly, gracefully fluttering amongst beautifully-colored flowers. It is simple and natural, yet it seemed so majestic. Then it is joined by another butterfly, and the two exquisite creatures flitted around the garden. Suddenly, a dozen other butterflies entered the scene, ruining the intimacy of the moment. Eventually, the other butterflies left. Then the two butterflies, alone again, flitted, fluttered, and disappeared to the sky.

--Music from Secrets

melodrama

I’m sorry I can’t watch you as you sleep
You’re as cold as a tomb, and I’m as dark as you are
I’m all alone, contemplating, reminiscing,
Gazing at the brightest star in the center of my black sky

Just go on falling asleep, angel
And I’ll try my best not to fall apart
It’s all so quiet now, angel
I’m sorry I can’t watch you as you sleep

You’re stunning grace is the only thing that moves me to breathe
Still I can’t find the strength to wipe these tears off my cheek
You’re sent to me by the heavens, but they had to take you back
And I never actually figured you’re this painful to miss

Just go on falling asleep, angel
And I’ll go on my days falling apart
It’s all so quiet now, angel
I’m sorry I can’t watch you as you sleep

How much I hate to talk about you in the past tense
But you were the best thing that happened to me
I’ll cry myself to sleep and hope to dream about you
So I can kiss you, embrace you, and say goodnight

--Music from Romeo & Juliet

Ending the Buffy episode

The monster suddenly appears. Buffy fights off the monster. Jonathan sees this as an opportunity to escape. He dashes out to the entrance of the cave. Meanwhile, with her extraordinary slayer powers, Buffy manages to German Suflex the big, limpy creature. While falling into the depths of the pit, the monster cries out: “Curse thy endeavor to clout in an un-Hiltonesque manner of succumbing to your frigid urge to annihilate the mistakenly disfigured corporeal sentiNELLL!!!” in perfect Salgadian English.

“He could talk!” Buffy exclaims, “Such eloquence!”

Everything goes back to normal. Jonathan’s augmentation spell is finally broken.

Outside, Jonathan runs into the gang. He is unaware that they had already gone back to their original states of mind.

“Where’s Buffy?” Xander demands.

“I don’t know,” Jonathan answers back.

“There she is!” Willow points near the entrance of the cave, “She looks fine to me.”

“Okay, you little twit!” Anya starts, “You think you could just get away trying to brainwash everybody? We know what you have done!” The former demon-enchantress points a finger at Jonathan and says, “Dormio penetranter!”

At that instant, Jonathan falls to the ground, cursed asleep.

Xander is so impressed he takes Anya home and makes out with her. This time, the whole neighborhood is witness to Anya’s moaning of “Xander… Xa-aander…”

At the end of the same year, the geek god Jonathan wins a Nobel Prize for his discovery of a cure for narcolepsy and makes the cover of Time Man of the Year.

Fin.

Salgado Critique

I admit I almost ran out of sympathy for this one…

“She was beautiful like the flowers consumed by fire,
her love was sweet that made me suffer from diabetes, she
was warm I almost felt the heat of her caress now. Her lips
were smooth and her tongue was very luscious like the meat of a beef.”

“Beautiful like the flowers consumed by fire”? Does that make me as beautiful as ashes? Oh, and please pass me the Listerine, since my tongue is like that of the “meat of the beef.” If I was the girl being referred to in the poem, I would find it hard to accept these Salgadian compliments. Salgado made such a dreadful impression on his use of metaphor.

“Eh…Whither now is she?” Alexandria verified as she picked up a glass of strawberry juice and smoothly as she tried to solace her arid esophagus…she drinked and later took a sandwich with a slice of a spam and a cheese placed amid the two pan like the clouds that located at the middle of the world and heaven.”

Salgado never fails to over-exaggerate such simple events. Again, he opted for oversentimentality and the far-off use of metaphor. In this case, short, simple, precise words work best. Try saying, “She drank strawberry juice and ate a spam and cheese sandwich.” Finito.

“The fished river had been altered with sorrow and the water creatures expressed their woeing sympathy to the body buoying with the water together with the silts. The ired river produced a tyrant waves which even the hardest metal made ship could be wrecked because of its seethed anger that seemed avenging the demise of their saviour.”

I am not sure if this made any sense at all. There’s faulty sentence construction, too many unnecessary words and grammar mistakes. This piece is sappy with overblown emotion and a disturbing notion to impress. Salgado made such an obvious abuse of rhetoric.

“My love is ungiven and my sun’s orb is a total
darkness like the rotation of the earth in the Antarctic or
North Pole or South Pole. Six months day. Six
months night. But my life remains to be night.”

The last time I checked, the earth doesn’t revolve around the Antarctic. And by the way, the Antarctic is part of the South Pole. Salgado deliberately tried to deceive his readers.

“Have you ever heard someone who felt in love with a lady without knowing the one he was involved with was a psychotic patient. You know – they went down the city road in holding hands gesture…know what? The man was very happy then because the lady he was with…was on her full bloom…full make up…full eyeliners and most of all…full lipsticks quite reddish tha’s palatable to chum…

“A group of men came down from the completely barred fierra and pulled the lady
to enter into the vehicle…for the conclusion…the man went with her…and they both
became more than enough and less than below. Got what I mean?”

Here, Salgado presumed that his readers would easily discern what it was that he was trying to imply. (“You know? Got what I mean?”) No, I didn’t get what “more than enough and less than below” is, and what “holding hands gesture” exactly is. Did you?